[Intro]
(Ring-ring… ring-ring)
Incoming call. Incoming call.
Kyle. Kyle. This is an extremely important call.
Probably.
The phone is ringing, and the phone is never wrong.
Please pick up.

[Hook]
Pick up, pick up (you are caller number one)
Pick up, pick up (your call is important to someone)
Pick up, pick up (this could be anyone)
It's probably very important — pick up the phone

[Verse 1]
It could be Bryan and the code's gone funny again,
He swears it's four small lines — it is never four small lines,
He fixed it at the bingo hall, it broke back in the car park,
He needs you now, he needs you now, he needs you now-ish.
It could be Natalia with the table for the family,
Sunday at her mum's, you promised, she's reminding,
Your seat's already plated and it's gone slightly cold,
One empty chair at dinner is making a whole scene.
It could be the sparkler man, he wants two hundred cans,
Best before Bonfire Night, cash on collection,
He doesn't do voicemail, he doesn't do email,
He does knock-knock-knock and a van that idles.

[Drop]
Caller number one (one!) — extremely important (important!)
Caller number one (one!) — extremely important (important!)
Who is it? (Who is it?) — What is it? (What is it?)
Is it urgent? (It's urgent.) — How urgent? (Very.)
Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

[Hook]
Pick up, pick up (you are caller number one)
Pick up, pick up (your call is important to someone)
Pick up, pick up (this could be anyone)
It's probably very important — pick up the phone

[Verse 2]
It could be Vincent on a withheld number,
Ringing from the grave to say appreciate art more,
You walked past a painting Tuesday — he watched you,
You looked at your phone instead. He saw that as well.
It could be Mr. Richardson, nineteen-oh-two,
Iron turner, Ashton-under-Lyne, re: the tea,
The match is struck, the kettle's tipping,
The second bell is ringing — are you going to answer that?
It could be the hold music checking in on you,
Says you never ring, says it quite understands,
It could be the council about your bins,
Or the bins about the council — nobody knows, nobody knows.

[Bridge]
Press one if it's urgent. (Everything is urgent.)
Press two if it's sparklers. (How many cans?)
Press three if you are deceased but you're calling anyway.
Press four to hear these options again. Forever.
For households where somebody works the night shift:
Kindly switch to vibrate. Somebody always gets to sleep.
That's the policy. That's the whole policy.
We apologise for the inconvenience of being loved.

[Hook]
Pick up, pick up (you are caller number one)
Pick up, pick up (your call is important to someone)
Pick up, pick up (this could be anyone)
It's probably very important — pick up the phone

[Outro]
Thank you for picking up. You have been amazing.
Please rate this call: one to five, five being wakeful.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
(Ring-ring… ring-ring)
…Please hold.