[Intro]
This is an important message
Regarding your account
Please listen carefully
We have detected...
...unusual activity

[Verse 1]
There's a payment on your card
You don't remember making
Four pound eighty
At 03:47
Merchant name: unlisted
Location: unknown
Your card is now blocked
For your protection
For your protection
For your protection

[Chorus]
Did you authorise this payment? (Press one)
Did you authorise this payment? (Press two)
If this transaction wasn't you (WASN'T ME)
If this transaction wasn't you (WAS ME)
Did you authorise this payment? (Press one)
Did you authorise this payment? (Press two)
We take your security seriously (WASN'T ME)
We take your security seriously (WAS ME)

[Drop]
Press one — press one — press one
Press two — press two — press two
Not recognised — not recognised — not recognised
Press one to confirm you weren't you
Press two to confirm you weren't there
Press three to speak to a person
Who is also a recording

[Verse 2]
You are caller number nine
Your call is important to us
We're verifying that you're you
By asking what you're not
Please state your mother's maiden name
Please state your first-ever pet
Please state the name of your street
And the name of everyone
You have ever been

[Chorus]
Did you authorise this payment? (Press one)
Did you authorise this payment? (Press two)
If this transaction wasn't you (WASN'T ME)
If this transaction wasn't you (WAS ME)

[Bridge]
The merchant was the chippy
The chippy on Oldham Street
Half past two on Friday
After six pints and a doner
You said it wasn't you
But the timestamp says it's you
The camera says it's you
Press one to admit it's you

[Drop]
Press one to admit it's you
Press two to admit it's you
All options admit it's you
Thank you for your honesty
Thank you for your honesty

[Outro]
We understand this can be distressing
Your money is safe with us
Your money is mostly with us
Your feedback matters
How did we do today?
Press one for excellent
Press two for excellent
Your card remains frozen
Your dignity remains frozen
Have a lovely day
(beep)