[Intro]
(ambient municipal office noises, papers shuffling, distant phone ring, lone acoustic guitar picking)

[Verse 1]
I walked in with a plan so simple and plain,
Just a fence permit to keep out the rain.
But the man at the counter, he looked up and grinned,
He's Joanne's sister's boy, and the grudge runs deep within.
He said, "Uncle Giuseppe, I can't let this slide,
There's a lilac that straddles the property line."

[Chorus]
So it's setback and variance, red tape and stone,
He's twistin' the by-law on his civil tone.
With concrete dust still on my boots from the truck,
He's holdin' my fence for a personal grudge.
The only thing harder than the Canadian Shield,
Is a nephew with a clipboard, his war won't yield.

[Verse 2]
He pulled out a survey with a marker so red,
Pointed out that lilac I nearly left dead.
"Twenty feet inward, you must relocate,
Or face a committee to seal your fate."
I said, "Son, that bush was here before I poured my first step,
It's rooted deeper than the frost line I've swept."

[Chorus]
So it's setback and variance, red tape and stone,
He's twistin' the by-law on his civil tone.
With concrete dust still on my boots from the truck,
He's holdin' my fence for a personal grudge.
The only thing harder than the Canadian Shield,
Is a nephew with a clipboard, his war won't yield.

[Bridge]
Well, I've fought frost heave and bedrock, I've seen water main breaks,
But this kid's got the power to make my heart ache.
He remembers the dinners where Joanne cried and sighed,
Now he's using a lilac to bleed me dry.

[Chorus]
So it's setback and variance, red tape and stone,
He's twistin' the by-law on his civil tone.
With concrete dust still on my boots from the truck,
He's holdin' my fence for a personal grudge.
The only thing harder than the Canadian Shield,
Is a nephew with a clipboard, his war won't yield.

[Outro]
(muttered) So I left that office with nothin' but dread,
That lilac's still there, and it's messin' my head.
(music fades with mournful pedal steel, distant diesel truck rumbling)