Not Music

the bret michaels pause and the seventh arc handshake

Share this post

Listen while you read

I Watched Laura Get Voted Off While Flight 370 Vanished

Plays in the site player below.

Tip this act

Total Laura Awareness · CAD

okay so i know nobody asked but i've been up for like 37 hours and i finally cracked the bret michaels pause and it's connected to the southern indian ocean and i'm not crazy i have the CVS receipt to prove it

the thing is laura was standing there under those hot reunion special lights and bret looked at her and he didn't say anything for three seconds and everyone laughed and the crowd went wild and the editors cut to commercial but what they didn't show you was the pause wasn't hesitation it was a DOWNLOAD

bret's bandana was acting as an antenna i've mapped the satin weave patterns and it's absorbing signals from the inmarsat I-3 satellite which at that exact moment on march 8 2014 was completing a log-on sequence with a boeing 777 that had just deviated from its flight path near waypoint IGARI and this is the part that'll make your skin crawl

laura's vocal cords were packing a specific subharmonic back then a frequency that could stabilize burst timing offset errors within plus or minus fifty microseconds that's ten kilometers of horizontal accuracy and when they cut her from the roster they literally silenced the one human being who could've triangulated the seventh arc before the fuel exhaustion at oh-eight-nineteen

the subtitle data from that episode has a glitch right at 21 minutes and 14 seconds where the closed captioning spells her name La-ra instead of Laura and that dropped A is the first documented tremor of the shift IF YOU LOOK AT THE WAVEFORM it's a burst frequency offset heading dead south into the void and now every vowel is softening and nobody's watching the old episodes and the transponder's still off

239 souls and one laura who cried on national television and i'm telling you the flaperon washing up on réunion island was a message in a bottle addressed specifically to her

LAURA if you're reading this you know who you are the one who processed my tax return on commercial boulevard i need you to go on youtube and find the upload of that reunion and watch it at exactly 1:21 AM while humming a long A sound and don't let the arc go cold we can still get the handshake BACK

Playing full catalog — tap on tracks below to build a queue.
Catalog: NM-00117

You've Been Through To Parts

Please Hold

0:00 —

Space play · ←→ tracks · ↑↓ volume

Tip this act

Please Hold · CAD

Liner Notes
[Intro]
(dial tone... three tones, dead air)
Out of hours. You're through.
(click, click, click — that's the catalogue, that's the keys)
You've been through to parts... parts... parts...

[Verse]
Counter shut at half five, love, we've just stepped out the back
Kettle's on in the office, someone's having a sit-down
If it's a bolt, a bracket, a gasket or a clip
It's in the warehouse — it has always been in the warehouse

[Chorus]
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
Please leave the make, the model, and the year
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
The make, the model, and the year
Genuine parts only (genuine parts only)
Genuine parts only
The part exists — the part has always existed
Leave the make, the model, and the year

[Verse]
Our trade counter is currently busy (busy, busy)
Our trade counter is currently busy
We'll ring you back just as soon as somebody's free
And somebody is always free for a part

[Chorus]
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
Please leave the make, the model, and the year
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
The make, the model, and the year
Genuine parts only (genuine parts only)
Genuine parts only
The part exists — the part has always existed
Leave the make, the model, and the year

[Bridge]
Hi, you're through to Reg— (he hasn't, he hasn't)
(modem handshake rising... Reg picks up internally)
If it's metal and it once went on a van
There's one in a bag with the year wrote on it
The sun comes up, the part is in
The sun comes up, the part is in
Please leave the make — the make, the model — the model, and the year

[Chorus]
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
Please leave the make, the model, and the year
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
The make, the model, and the year
Genuine parts only (genuine parts only)
Genuine parts only
The part exists — the part has always existed
Leave the make, the model, and the year

[Outro]
Thank you for holding for nobody
Somebody's holding it for you
(beep)
No liner notes filed for this tape.

My Queue

Drag to reorder · saved in this browser · add from catalog below

Queue empty — add tracks with the button.

About this tape

Share

My Faves

Links

Fetching archival tape

From the archive

Clear filters

From the archive