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In-Floor Heating and Brazilian Cherry Hardwood

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Three Days to Warm Up and a Week to Cool Down (The In-Floor Heating System I Installed in Her Sister's Rec Room Back in Oh-Eight)

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Giuseppe "The Slab" Pagano · CAD

My ex-wife’s sister, Franca, wanted a finished basement rec room back in '08. I told her forced air was a mistake down there. You need boiler-fed PEX tubing under six inches of wire-mesh reinforced concrete.

I tied the rebar and did the pour myself.

"Thermal mass," I told her. "It takes seventy-two hours just to warm the slab." I didn't tell her it takes a full week to cool down once the boiler fails.

Fast forward to last December. Franca called. Said the circulation pump was vibrating like a cheap soil compactor.

I walked through her front door to check on it, keeping my Baffin boots on. I dragged half the Thunder Bay municipal road salt order with me, leaving a heavy trail of white calcium rings across her imported hardwood.

My ex-wife happened to be sitting at the kitchen island. She looked at the salt rings, then looked at me. She stopped calling me right around the time I bought my first Fender acoustic, and her stare proved that absolutely nothing had thawed between us.

I went downstairs to avoid the silence. The manifold pressure gauge read sixty PSI, but the pump was dead. The water was trapped in the plastic piping. Cold and stopped.

You can blast a propane tiger torch at a thick slab all day, but you cannot force a cure with an open flame. Some foundations are designed to store way more heat than they ever let go.

Engineers call it a thermal flywheel. I just call it a hazard of the trade.

Playing full catalog — tap on tracks below to build a queue.
Catalog: NM-00117

You've Been Through To Parts

Please Hold

0:00 —

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Please Hold · CAD

Liner Notes
[Intro]
(dial tone... three tones, dead air)
Out of hours. You're through.
(click, click, click — that's the catalogue, that's the keys)
You've been through to parts... parts... parts...

[Verse]
Counter shut at half five, love, we've just stepped out the back
Kettle's on in the office, someone's having a sit-down
If it's a bolt, a bracket, a gasket or a clip
It's in the warehouse — it has always been in the warehouse

[Chorus]
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
Please leave the make, the model, and the year
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
The make, the model, and the year
Genuine parts only (genuine parts only)
Genuine parts only
The part exists — the part has always existed
Leave the make, the model, and the year

[Verse]
Our trade counter is currently busy (busy, busy)
Our trade counter is currently busy
We'll ring you back just as soon as somebody's free
And somebody is always free for a part

[Chorus]
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
Please leave the make, the model, and the year
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
The make, the model, and the year
Genuine parts only (genuine parts only)
Genuine parts only
The part exists — the part has always existed
Leave the make, the model, and the year

[Bridge]
Hi, you're through to Reg— (he hasn't, he hasn't)
(modem handshake rising... Reg picks up internally)
If it's metal and it once went on a van
There's one in a bag with the year wrote on it
The sun comes up, the part is in
The sun comes up, the part is in
Please leave the make — the make, the model — the model, and the year

[Chorus]
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
Please leave the make, the model, and the year
You've been through to parts (parts, parts, parts)
The make, the model, and the year
Genuine parts only (genuine parts only)
Genuine parts only
The part exists — the part has always existed
Leave the make, the model, and the year

[Outro]
Thank you for holding for nobody
Somebody's holding it for you
(beep)
No liner notes filed for this tape.

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