Internal Memo: Updated IVR Script

Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed.

It was a Tuesday morning when the telecom's legacy IVR got pushed to v3.2.

The change was minor: a new option for "Press four to speak to an agent" was added after a restructuring.

We were on the floor, headsets on, listening to the loop as we logged calls.

The new option caused a brief spike in hold times; the system kept repeating the prompt.

We started to notice the rhythm: the prompt fell exactly on the four‑on‑the‑floor beat we’d been humming during breaks.

Shaz suggested we record a few takes of the announcement on our old headset mic, just to see how it sounded layered.

We chopped the phrase, pitched it up and down, and looped it over the hold‑music hum that still lives in the server rack.

The result felt like a memo that had been left on the printer—dry, repetitive, slightly absurd.

We added the DTMF tones as hi‑hats, the modem handshake as a riser, and let the estimated‑wait‑time line stutter into the drop.

No one asked us to make a track; we were just filling out the incident report in our heads.

The lyrics ended up being a verbatim copy of the IVR script, because the script itself had become the story.

If you hear a message in the loop, it’s probably just the system reminding you to hold.

We filed this under "Creative Use of Corporate Noise" in the break‑room wiki.

Next week we’ll test whether the new "Press five for feedback" option can generate a B‑side.

We kept the original hold‑music marimba in the background, just low enough to remind anyone listening that the queue never really ends.

When the shift ended, we left the headset on the desk, the red light still blinking, as if the call were still waiting.